The Crafty Um

UM is a handy, pause-filling noise.  Actually, um, let me start over.  Um is verbal diarrhea that dilutes communication and when used excessively, makes us all sound like a bunch of dimwits (the average person says um more than 240 times per day).

This is how I see this annoying little sentence trasher:

An intensely demanding creature, Um will squeeze its way into any situation...
and gladly offer support and advice.

His mischievous nature draws him towards um-less children:


Um thoroughly enjoys working with speech writers.

Along with um, we dump so much verbal garbage into our sentences that I imagine something like this happening:  On a lunch break, Um wanders into a bookshop and stumbles upon a little pink number named, Uh.

They join forces, produce twins—name them Like and You Know—and merrily trash communication across the globe happily ever after!

Uh, like you know this is um The End!

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